I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
