Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
