Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
