I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
should my penis look like a turkey
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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