shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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