forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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