i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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