why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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