Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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