if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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