i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
