girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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