I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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