Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
