Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
