Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
