I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
