omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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