Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I accidentally had phone sex last night
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
