Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
