Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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