eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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