I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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