you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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