were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
