Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
