I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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