I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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