I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
