At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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