got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize