I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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