What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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