hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
