here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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