I think my vagina is haunted
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
