remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
