My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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