and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sext me about skeletons
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
