whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
