i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
