chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
