It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
