if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
