**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
