the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
