and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
