11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
