I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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