Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
