You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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