Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
