I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
