Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
