woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
