So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
