i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
