I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
