My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
