He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
