Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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