What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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