Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You're like the curious george of whores
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
