If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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