I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
