she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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