why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
