I wish I could teleport
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize