I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
