yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize