pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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