U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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