I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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