Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
