How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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