my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
