where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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