it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
why is half of my head shaved?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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