I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
