my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
