i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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