Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
