So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
