Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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