my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm bleeding and have questions
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
