Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
