Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
