so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
