If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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