I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
