I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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