I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I need moral support for this bender
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
