dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
