We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
