Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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