If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
