i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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