my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
