my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize