guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
