i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
