Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
