The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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