Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
