does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Who died my cat blue again?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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