guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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