I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
