You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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