I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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