Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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